Okay, so, the party's over, Romeo finds out she's a Capulet, Juliet finds out he's a Montague. If they were smart, they'd simultaneously think out loud, "You know, a nice piece of ass is not worth getting killed for" and get on with their lives. But no, instead Romeo has to try to sneak inside the heavily fortified (with vitamins and minerals) Capulet compound, where guards in black leather patrol with fur coat razorblades and generally are ready to slaughter anything vaguely resembling a Montague on sight.

And of course, Romeo is not exactly Jackie Chan. He knocks stuff over, slips off those climbing rose diagonal ladder thingies, and makes a large number of screwball errors. And yet, the guard never notices him. Which leads me to think he played through the game twice and got the sneaking suit.

Yes, somehow, clumsy-ass Romeo can stand RIGHT THERE next to Juliet while she gives her little whyfore-art-thou-romeo speech... YES! I say WHYfore! Because that's what the original line was, dammit, as in 'Why must you be a Montague' not 'where the hell are you'! You people have it all wrong!..... where was I? Okay. He's standing right there, then he's sneaking up RIGHT IN HER PERSONAL SPACE less than a foot away and she still doesn't notice him. Juliet has the visiblity of one of those white coat wearing minions from Metal Gear Solid. I'm surprised Romeo doesn't just sneak up behind her (since she has no ears, apparently), grab her by the neck, and after she goes "iyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi" a lot, break her spine.

...yes, it's brutal, but it's a lot more efficent than having your heart shredded several times and dying of a highly ironic suicide. And that way, Romeo could survive this movie. But no, he's not bright enough and instead takes a dip in the pool romantically and digs his own ass in deeper. Your loss, boyo...

You know, this is the sixth movie I've seen with a romance scene while bobbing like a cork in a swimming pool. What's so great about them? Is it some kind of amiotic fluid, primordial soup kind of symbol, or do wet, clingy t-shirts simply show off teenage breasts to maximum effect? Or is it that champaigne-y effect from all the bubbles that for some reason lurk just below the water's surface? Damned if I know.

Anyway, they spout more poetry at each other. Romeo asks, "Will you leave me so unsatisfied?" To which Juliet replies, "Keep your rocket in your pocket, you spider monkey, I'm not that easy of a tramp!" ...well, that's not her exact words, but it's to the same effect. She wants marriage, a house, a car, 2.5 kids and the whole shabeal, and he agrees to it because the acid hasn't totally worn off yet.

...proceed to Baz Luhrmann's The Usual Suspects