And indeed, the Designated Victim has fallen prey to one of the many Sexual Deviants in this film. (A tasteful black box has been drawn here, so we don't have to worry about being annihilated by orbital laser strike from the Communications Decency Act II CyberPolice.) But fortunately for Kagero (who is, as predicted, totally unable to defend herself) Jubei arrives on the scene.

Here's where Jubei differs from someone like Blade. Blade would probably make a damn cool entrance on some form of vehicle through some form of solid object, then start killing dudes left and right, maybe with a one-liner. Jubei, however, shows up unannounced and without any building, then ASKS FOR DIRECTIONS. As if he was simply interrupting your morning paper. And he doesn't even sound overtly sarcastic when he does it.

And what does the badass villian do in response to such politeness? He cuts up Jubei's cool hat. "Hey! That was my best hat!" Jubei complains. Once again proving that casualness wins out over overreaction. It's like if you turned Ferris Bueller into a samurai warrior or something.

Okay, all that is good (and puts a comic spin on a rape scene, which could be a good thing or a tasteless thing; I'm not even GOING there) and leads into the ass kicking.... running away, actually. Jubei is smart. Once there's an opening, he and Kagero just BOLT. They don't stay and fight, they don't pose and declare that evil must be punished, they just flee like Arthur and his Knights confronted by a large wooden rabbit. Survival instincts, pople. Good things to have.

Here, though, it's becoming clear how Kagero and Jubei are different. They just escaped the Great Wall of Villianry, and are in a nicely fireflylit meadow. Jubei is.. chillin'. Relaxing. Poo-pooing basically everything and not giving a damn. But Kagero is looking left and right, keeping those ninja tactics honed and maintaining that Blade-esque hardnose emotionless fury. Dedicated to the job.

And that, folks, is why she isn't going to get anywhere in this movie. People that dramatic have a tendency to get wiped out. Which is strange, considering how over the top melodramatic this movie is, aside from Jubei acting like.. Jubei.

But enough of me ranting about Jubei. Because once he dispatches this craggy pile of evil, the movie is will... slow.... way..... down.

But beforeitdoeshere'ssomeSEX!!! Wake up, people! Better. Yes, it seems whoever this political dude is, he can enjoy a little nookie even while making strategic decisions and passing them onto the only remaining ninja he's got! That's job dedication. That's the kind of on the task, twenty four seven quality of work that we have learned to expect from our leaders. [Insert any Lewinsky joke here], wouldn't you say?

...proceed to Jubei vs. The Rock, This Time, We Mean It, Honestly.